Finding Clarity Amid Chaos
We often associate creativity with chaos, but for many—including actor and comedian Joe Tracini—it can also mean navigating a landscape of mental health challenges. After years of wrestling with feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt, Tracini's journey took a significant turn when he discovered he had ADHD. This revelation didn't just offer explanations; it revitalized his passion for storytelling.
A Tough Beginning
Tracini, known for portraying characters in UK soaps like Hollyoaks, vividly recounts his formative years growing up in Great Yarmouth. Being the son of comedian Joe Pasquale added layers of pressure, making the quest for his own identity feel daunting. "I told my first joke on stage at 18 months at one of my dad's gigs," he remembers. Yet behind that early confidence lay a facade masking profound insecurities.
"I changed my name because I wanted to do things off my own back, I didn't want to have something to live up to."
The Struggle with Identity
Describing himself as a child who felt more aligned with the demeanor of an old man—rocket-fueled by adult speech patterns, yet socially withdrawn—Tracini's reality was punctuated by bullying. It was magic tricks that became his social lifeline, yet even those moments felt like performances shrouded in anxiety.
After adopting the surname Tracini, he began actively carving out his own space in the entertainment industry, fueled by a desire to shed the multifaceted expectations tied to his father's legacy. But the entertainment world isn't always forgiving; he faced rejection that would turn into pivotal learning experiences.
The Realization
His tumultuous mental health was further complicated when he received a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder (BPD). For Tracini, this was almost a relief, a name for the invisible struggle he had been grappling with for years. Sober for a decade after battling addiction, he embraced a new beginning, although the nuances of his mental health continued to loom large.
A Game Changer: The ADHD Diagnosis
Amid the pandemic, Joe captured the public's attention with humorous social media posts, demonstrating that laughter could coexist with pain. Yet it wasn't until he uncovered the possibility of ADHD that he felt the clouds of confusion start to lift. "I had no idea how life-changing the diagnosis would be," he shares passionately. Finally addressing a core element of his mental landscape, the right medication allowed him to re-engage with his creativity.
A New Chapter: Showcasing His Life
Joe's breakthrough led him to pen a one-man show titled 10 Things I Hate About Me, exploring the very essence of his identity, struggles, and resilience. He performed it at the Edinburgh Fringe, garnering rave reviews—his past no longer chained him but rather guided his performance.
"Even if it had gone badly, I was doing myself a kindness to put it to rest and gain some closure."
Living with 'Mick'
A standout moment from his narrative? The personified voice in his head he calls "Mick," a crude yet familiar critic. Instead of shunning this voice, Tracini has learned to coexist with it, making peace with his psychological complexities. "It has been like getting used to a flatmate. I hope he buggers off one day, but we're doing OK," he quips, showcasing his signature humor in adversities.
Healing through Performance
Now, as Tracini embarks on his first ever tour, he is more than just a performer; he's an advocate for mental health awareness, aiming to destigmatize ADHD and BPD. His performance covers the years of his life where he felt trapped by his own thoughts, a cathartic journey allowing others to find solace amid their struggles.
Looking Forward
Tracini's story reminds us all that even in the throes of insecurity and chaos, there lies a potential for clarity and purpose. "I'm looking at weeks and months ahead, which is something Mick can't argue with," he concludes with a hopeful look towards a bright future.
If you or someone you know is struggling with issues raised in this story, support is available through the BBC's Action Line.
Source reference: https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c80x2lm534po
