Moms Are Using AI to Outsource Household Labor—But Dads Are Missing in Action

When ChatGPT Became a Coparent

I remember reading about Lilian Schmidt's story when it first went viral. She was desperate for help with her 3-year-old daughter's bedtime routine—so much so that she turned to ChatGPT, an AI assistant, for advice. And it worked. Within minutes, her daughter was calm and asleep.

This wasn't just a fluke; it became the foundation of what would later be called "AI parenting." Schmidt's viral TikTok video titled I Turned ChatGPT into my coparent sparked a movement. She created a custom GPT called Coparent, which she sells for $37, offering mothers a way to offload mundane but constant responsibilities—like reminding kids about sunscreen or tracking doctor appointments.

"It's not that my partner isn't helping, because he is," Schmidt told me. "But for women and moms, there is so much invisible labor that you carry and everything is in your hands."">

That's the crux of this phenomenon: while AI tools are being pitched as a solution to simplify family life, the underlying burden still falls disproportionately on mothers. In fact, Schmidt's own videos show her doing most of the childcare herself, from meal prep to crafting activities. And she isn't alone.

The Rise of Momfluencers and AI Empowerment

A wave of momfluencers is now promoting generative AI as a tool for liberation. These influencers don't focus on lifestyle aesthetics—they're pushing practical applications of AI that help manage everything from grocery lists to bedtime routines.

One of the most visible figures in this space is Sarah Dooley, who started using generative AI to create toothbrushing songs and write notes to her babysitter. She's since launched a business around teaching other moms how to use AI for household management. Her book The AI-Empowered Family is due out next year.

Mel Robbins and Reese Witherspoon have also joined the chorus, promoting AI as part of a broader narrative of female empowerment. But this framing—AI as a radical feminist tool—has drawn criticism from those who argue it distracts from deeper systemic issues.

Stephanie Leblanc-Godfrey, founder of Mother AI and a self-proclaimed maternal technologist, calls out what she sees as the "PMS problem" in AI: that these platforms are often built by “pale, male, and stale” teams who don't reflect the needs of the users—especially women.

Why Are Dads So Quiet?

This brings us to the central question raised by Schmidt's story and others like it: where are the dads? While moms are increasingly turning to AI to manage their household load, men—despite spending more time on chores and childcare than in decades past—are not participating at the same rate.

In fact, when I asked Schmidt directly why more men weren't engaging with her AI tools, she offered a blunt assessment: "the patriarchy."

I found myself wondering whether this was a case of gendered expectations or simply a lack of awareness. In my own experience, I noticed that while my husband uses AI tools to assist in his professional work—like researching stock markets or streamlining architectural designs—he never considers using similar tools for personal tasks like tracking birthdays or scheduling doctor visits.

As someone who has tried setting up an AI-powered system myself, I felt a sense of exhaustion rather than liberation. Creating prompts for everything from dinner plans to school pickup schedules took hours. It wasn't that the technology was inefficient—it just highlighted how much more effort women must invest to get even basic tasks managed.

The Hidden Labor of Motherhood

The concept of “mental load,” or the cognitive burden of managing a household, remains largely invisible to many men and society at large. As Schmidt puts it: "Unfortunately, mental load is still considered a female problem."

This idea resonates with data from the U.S. Department of Labor, which found that employed mothers spend an average of 12.5 hours per week on childcare—a figure that has increased significantly since 1975.

While fathers have indeed taken on more responsibility over the past few decades, they're still often not expected to carry the same weight emotionally or practically. This is especially evident in how AI tools are being marketed: as solutions for mothers who feel overwhelmed, rather than shared household tools that could benefit everyone equally.

AI as a Symbol of Systemic Inequality

As we continue to embrace new technologies like generative AI, it's crucial not to let them become another distraction from the real structural issues at play. We're still left asking why mothers remain the default managers of domestic tasks—even when those tasks are being made easier through digital means.

The rise of AI parenting isn't just about convenience; it's a reflection of gendered labor norms that persist even as technology evolves. For true progress, we need solutions that redistribute responsibility—not just automate it for some while leaving others behind.

So while momfluencers like Schmidt are pioneering new ways to use AI, their success underscores the urgency of addressing why the work continues to fall to women alone. If AI is going to be our coparent, shouldn't we all be sharing the role?